I just found my old phone, and found a note i wrote 738 days ago, june 15, 2010 when i was 20 years old…. It’s crazy to look back and see something like this and remember what a dark, dark place i was in. I believe that at that very moment i was spinning into a downward spiral on my way to rock bottom, and yes i did hit it. the only thing i did believe was that there was no hope, i was drinking all my sorrows from a broken home, a broken heart, lost love and much more away. I actually went months without missing a day of drinking and I had accomplished nothing i spent so many days and so many nights dwelling in my own selfishness, self pity and hatred. I was stuck on self destruct mode and all i could do was feel bad for myself.
I wanted to post this because event though its terribly personal, its a true example of someone that felt like there was no hope but then found it. I look at myself, and in just 2 years i’ve restored my relationship with Jesus Christ which was the start of my new life. Without him I would have stayed in that place. The Lord did not give up on me even though i gave up on him, he pulled me back some how. What I felt the day that i wanted to change everything was something supernatural, I’m still obviously not perfect, and I still mess up all the time, I’ll never be a perfect role model, and I will fall and let you down…. but at least i’ve found the love and peace that Christ has offered me.
I wrote this to tell you to not give up on your dreams, because you CAN achieve them if you fight for them. Since then I got signed to a record label, I made a music video that i got to share with millions of people, i got out of my destructive household and leased an apartment with my own money, and God willing I’m about to record an album that will be released all over the world. God willing I will be able to impact many people with my music and I found a love i didn’t think existed and married my best friend. But most importantly i found a peace in the Lord that changed my life, changed my values for eternity.
If you feel like there is no hope, or you can relate with this, let this be proof that you really can change your life, you CAN achieve your dreams, you can climb out of any hole you’re in… but you have to be strong and you have to want to change. Do not give up, like i desperately wanted to…. I hated myself, but now I’ve learned to love myself.
i am now the happiest i’ve ever been.
